Out on Good Behavior

From our second-floor office in the professional building where we rent space, we have a decent view of the parking lot, the three-way intersection, and the occasional panhandlers and fundraisers who hang out in the planted strip that divides the boulevard traffic.

As I was approaching the office one day in early Spring, the sun was out and so was a fair number of men clad in orange jumpsuits. Though it was no secret they were out on good behavior from the local jail, they were an industrious bunch.

Seeing them weed and pick up litter that beautiful morning, I could imagine how good such simple freedom must feel to them. I knew how wonderful the warm sun and clear air felt to me and I wasn’t wearing an orange jumpsuit.

Or was I?

Not anymore; but there was a time. A time when I held myself hostage to the must-do’s while not letting myself out on good behavior until I was on the edge of committing a crime worthy of that orange jumpsuit. Wring a neck here, down to one last good nerve there…and somebody better dial 911. Fast.

It’s one of those old adages known as “all work and no play”. I don’t know about it making ‘Jack a dull boy’ but it sure made ‘Nancy a tired girl’. And when one is tired, it’s easier to slip into something a bit more comfortable – like an orange jumpsuit – than to slide on orange flip flops and enjoy some freedom.

In my case (and I am persuaded in the case of most as we all have extenuating circumstances), I had some available freedom. I just didn’t a) appreciate it, b) realize there were options, c) want to change or d) all of the above. Others have experienced a, b, c and d as well. Here are some of the ones I’ve seen:

Orange is the New Black – “I am responsible. If I don’t wear my three-piece blorange suit 24/7, I will be guilty of shirking my duty. I can allow four hours of sleep – maybe five; ten cups of black coffee; and one trip, two tops, to the bathroom each day. My phone must remain on at all times. This is my real life.”

Yes, I’m being facetious – or am I? I once worked with a colleague freshly appointed to a lead position. I took notice of what it was doing to him, his family, and his work relationships. One day I talked to him about my observations. He listened to what I had to say and was equally sincere in his reply. “I’m holding myself to a full year of probation where I have to prove myself and everything else takes a back seat.”

Now, I can understand his thought process. Probationary time is ‘understood’. There is a proving in such a position that is inherent with the job. But to tell your spouse, your family, others closest to you, and even yourself that for a year they can’t matter because you’re now wearing blorange? Hmm.

Several years later he confessed he thought I was wrong in my assessment but now he understood. He thanked me before going on his fired way. Let go, he is now happy as a clam and I became a life coach.

Agent Orange – ‘Make that very special Agent Orange.’ This perspective lends to some folk thinking they can get away with murder. It doesn’t matter what they do; as long as they aren’t called on it, it’s A-OK.

In another working relationship (I had years of business career before sliding into my orange flip flops), I watched a much younger staff member pull off a two-fisted handcuff. First, they did barely the minimum to get by. Yet they were employed where they could learn and grow if they had a mind to.

The other handcuff was the one hardest to understand. Their female supervisor was fully aware but refused to address the situation. In so doing, they both were wearing orange jumpsuits – the one ‘getting away with murder’ and she in blorange who was doing them a disservice by looking away. There was opportunity for growth and change for both of them but effort and risk, respectively, were unused keys.

Orange Chicken – This is where letting oneself out on good behavior can find you seated squarely in your cell. The door is unlocked and no one threw away the key. In fact, someone may be holding the door open telling you that you are free to go.

Free to go outside. Free to explore. Free to breathe fresh air and feel the sun’s warmth on your face, whether for real or metaphorically. Free to learn that orange chickens can be taught new courage.

Are you wrestling with letting yourself out on good behavior? Maybe you can identify with one or more of these examples:

Orange is the New Black b) not realizing there were options. Friend, there always are options.

Agent Orange who a) didn’t appreciate what they had at the time; effort and risk were enemy cellmates.

Orange Chicken c) struggling with the idea of change. Wanting it but not really wanting it. That see-saw can go on indefinitely unless and until you screw up enough courage to take a step out of the cell. Then, you may come to recognize that orange really is not your best color after all!

In the midst of your ‘extenuating circumstances’, what prison sentence of limiting beliefs keeps you donning your orange jumpsuit day after day?

Jailbirds who want out on good behavior welcome here.

~ Nancy

Photo Credit: Orange rope by Pixabay, Public Domain with PicMonkey enhancements