Old Adages (not) To Live By

There are enough things that govern us from day to day without being directed by old adages that lend no nutritional value to our pie of life.

We may be governed by the alarm clock, habits that die hard, or deadlines that have no wiggle room. But when it comes to old adages, some of them may be a recipe for more harm and consternation than good because they are not based on truth.

Just so you’re aware of my measuring stick, I’m referring to truth as recorded in Scripture. I still regard my Bible as the holy, living Word of God. When I read it, it is Him speaking to me. Which means that adages I used to live by (even unconsciously) have over time given way to the unerring trueness of His position. It makes His statement “your ways are not My ways…” bring alignment to my thinking.

I’ve come up with a few of those old adages that have created consternation and confusion because they either don’t work or they leave a sour taste in our or others’ mouth.

Old Adages (not) To Live By #1: Forgive and forget. We’d be rich if we had ten bucks for every time we’ve been told this, said it, or offered it as advice to someone else. If it were only that simple.

Scripture tells us we are to forgive so we will be forgiven. However, our brains are wired to not forget. God, on the other hand, tells us that He doesn’t remember what He’s forgiven!

“I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for My own sake, and remembers your sins no more.”
Isaiah 43:25 NIV

A definite case of “My thoughts are not your thoughts” – but why? Many reasons, but two key ones are:

1. Not forgetting is a learning tool God uses to re-train our tendency to ‘repeat history’ in our dealings with other people and ourselves. When we’re having a hard time forgiving in a new situation after having truly forgiven in a different situation, the ability to forgive and not forget can serve to remind us that true forgiveness freed us before and it can free us again. One act of forgiveness doesn’t cover all. Remember ‘seventy times seven’? By not forgetting, we’re reminded to continue practicing forgiveness.

2. There is beauty in a soul that does not forget what it has been forgiven, nor what it has forgiven. Not from a guilt-ridden sense, but from a heart that knows it has conducted business with God and He won.

Old Adages (not) To Live By #2: The end justifies the means. No it doesn’t. Not if those means are less than trustworthy or honorable. Demanding, manipulating, conniving, schmoozing, hiding, sneaking, humiliating, robbing, plagiarizing, flattering – and whatever other ‘ings’ one can come up with that fit the definition of means – does not a good ending make.

If we have been a recipient or the culprit of less than righteous means to a desired end, let’s bear in mind two more points:

1. For the recipient, see Old Adages (not) To Live By #1. And remember that tit for tat doesn’t accomplish anything good. It just puts us in the place of #2 – the culprit.

2. For the culprit, may I suggest we knock it off? Old Adages (not) To Live By #1 applies here, too. Seeking and receiving God’s forgiveness means His grace is sufficient to turn away from that behavior and start walking in the opposite spirit. It’s healthier and it certainly improves relationships. (For a bit more on Unforgiveness, see our August 2014 newsletter article here).

Old Adages (not) To Live By #3: In the scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. If it is an inanimate object, we may be right. But if it is someone or something important to someone, it may be wise to choose our words more carefully. People hold more value than schemes. Sometimes that’s a hard lesson to learn, especially for over-achievers, perfectionists, and melancholics. Granted, the people factor may be minimal in some instances, but if others are involved in the scheme of things, it does matter.

These are just a few of my ‘favorites’ that I’d like to see debunked. You may have others that come to mind – or lips. If and when they do, I have found it is good to remember the Lord’s viewpoint…

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9 NASB

The more we practice asking ourselves, ‘Is this old adage really true?’ the more we find that God is eager to share with us His thoughts and His ways. A realignment of our thinking that brings freedom and clarity – far more refreshing than some dusty old adages not to live by!

~ Nancy

P.S. Recognizing some of these old adages at work in our speech and thinking can sometimes signal other, below the surface limiting beliefs. Part of the coaching process is helping you identify and replace those beliefs with God’s truth in order to more fully live life forward. I’d love to hear from you.

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